I'm all.... in my head lately. Like, living in there. Where I am never just focused on one thing. Working + all in my head. Working out, half-heartedly.... because I'm all in my head. Taking a weekend to bake, bake, bake -- because I can do that and also be in my head. Driving + in my head (I KNOW). Trying to have meaningful conversations with people + in my head.
It's exhausting.
I think my driven, competitive sides might actually kill me here. Don't let my copious amounts of TV watching and resistance into responsibility over dogs or children fool you. I'm always thinking. I approach everything like a project. And lately, I have real projects with work that are taking up space.... thus the living in my head.
Here is a simplified version of what my head looks like lately:
"Wow, work has been challenging and I want to make the most out of this weekend. It has to be the best, most relaxing weekend. I better prioritize what that means ahead of time so I don't waste it. Better include some quality time with the husband so we can stay on a trajectory to have a marriage that is better than everyone else's. Wonder if we can fake quality time while we are also recycling cans. The cans are starting to bother me. They are in the kitchen, basement, and garage and we are being swallowed by cans. But can't stress about that because I need the weekend to clear my head. Reading over coffee in the morning would be great, but I better decide if I should keep reading my entertaining books, or read something that might help me get through my work challenges, or in general, read something that will improve me as a person. You're not supposed to stress about what you read on the weekend over coffee. Oh, that's right. Did I pay the cable bill? I think I did, but I better check. The next time I am online, I will check. Remember the work challenges? Let's get back to those......."
And there goes another hour. Please don't think I'm a crazy person. I'm probably just a normal adult trying to juggle things. I'm really bad at meditation though, if you can't guess.
I think it's time for a cleanse. I need to try to give up some of the things that I stress/obsess over so I can better enjoy everything else.
..... and where to start.
Oh, we're so related. I am exactly the same. Except it goes more like this:
ReplyDelete"Should I watch Grey's Anatomy again? Nah, I should clear off my DVR. Or take a nap. Maybe work out? Oh, I have a test to study for..oh well, easy stuff. But what if I fail? Do I have to choose a new career? Should I make plans around my work weekend? Probably not. IHAVEABOYFRIEND!?!"
:)
oh, girls, you are both far too young to be down this road!! you must decide at the end of the day that you are SATISFIED with the choices you made for this day.
ReplyDeleteContentment, joy, delight, happiness all relate to that capitalized word.
BE SATISFIED. you will never have it perfect nor will you constantly make the 'correct' choice for the moment or the day. you are both too smart. yup. too smart.