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Wednesday, January 18, 2017

It's so much better than they all said

It's midmorning as I type this and my sweet baby boy is asleep in the [godsend of a] rock 'n play in front of me. He's wearing PJs that are a little too tight, he's almost too big for his favorite nap spot.... and I'm little more than a week from going back to work, back to my "real" life. Seeeeeeriously.

Where did the time go? Just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital, our first Christmas as a little family was a blur and I'm equal parts excited and terrified to take the next step forward in life as a working mom.

In the last month before he was born, I was anxious to get the show on the road. All the well wishers spotting my enormous belly warned me of sleepless nights, crying that had no findable cause, labors that were unending..... you know this song, right? Eventually, I wished we could just do this already, just have our baby so I could stop being anxious and find out for myself what parenthood was all about.

Truth be told, it's wonderful.

It's what people tell you and so much more. Before you have kids, you wonder how you'd ever go without a few hours of sleep strung together, how you'd happily stay home on a weekend night with your husband and baby, how you'd go days without showering or leaving the house.

And now I know. You do it because your baby is the cutest thing you've ever seen. You do it because you love him so, so much.

Allow me to gush, ok? Colin is a total sucker baby. You've heard the term, right? Where your baby "suckers" you into thinking you could have a million kids because he's so easy going? Yeah, Colin is THAT baby. Sure we've had those sleepless nights and some crying bouts, but mostly we've had a little gentleman who just wants to look around his new world peacefully and happily. At least twice in the day, he smiles when he wakes up from his nap. He coos and kicks under his activity mat (he loooovvveeeesss his activity mat). He's calm in the car and likes when we leave the house to see the grocery store or coffee shop or Donutland (because I, too, had to celebrate when they started taking credit cards). Every milestone is so fun.

I am lucky to be his mom and I am genuinely excited to see what kind of person he is going to be. I'm sure every parent thinks these things about their baby, but you guys... Colin is legit :)

So, here we are. I go back to work in a little more than a week. And I can't even.

It's the right choice for me, don't get me wrong. I like my career and need the creative/problem-solving outlets it provides. And you know, bills. But the thought of leaving my sweet boy for hours on end has me tearing up multiple times a day.

So, just like before we had our baby... I'm back to wanting the band-aid ripped off. The dread is always worse than the transition itself. I'm doing what I can to prepare: planning a few outings without Colin, orchestrating the morning routine with Tim, googling aaaalllll the things about work transition, and wrapping my mind around projects to start in on when I get back.

To all you working parents out there, I salute you. If you remember what it was like to head back to work after you had your baby, drop me a note and tell me what helped you make it through the day without crying.

Because I'm ready? I'm ready. Yeah... I'm ready. I think :)

Over and out.

2 comments:

  1. I cried in my way to work dropping off my eldest. But it does get easier with each child. Or at least the transition does. It's normal to miss them during the day. There are many times I wish I could be there with them. Then realize they are follow a path I once was on. It will get better I promise. Until then enjoy those cries, sleepless nights and snuggles. They grow up too fast.

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  2. I took close to 14 weeks off and in having a winter baby, I was more than ready to go back to work and get out of the house. And then the reality of it kicked me in the ass. Between sleepless nights, lazy morning nursing sessions that suddenly had to be done quickly, last minute pumping, packing up myself and baby, I think for the first month I was two hours late to work everyday! Yeeesh. Fortunately, my boss was very understanding. He went to daycare close to my office, so for a while I'd use my lunch break to nurse him. It helped break up the day and let me check on my little buddy. But I won't lie to you and say it's easy. It's freaking hard when they're this little, but it does get more manageable. Good luck! (Oh, and you will both get sick. Like, on day two.)

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