What day is it again?

I'm here.

The weeks have just been flying by, and I can't believe it's almost March.

February month re-cap = WORK, a trip to St. Louis to see my wiggly nephew (he can DANCE), an anniversary weekend trip to Galena, an epic cold, dropping out of Insanity, giving myself food hugs regularly. Oh, and another, shorter haircut. 

March (from what I'm expecting so far) = dinner with out-of-town friends (yeah!), a work trip that will take me to New York City and Philadelphia, more work busy-ness, an impromptu Chicago weekend? And Tim's annual officer ball/dinner in Des Moines. I'll just go ahead and write here that I hope I get back on the fitness bandwagon in the next month. Gosh, I LOVE starting over -- bring on the soreness! YEAH! (I'm faking that.)

I woke up this morning actually relieved that it was Friday. Relieved. I'm not really sure sure where that feeling comes from, other than it's been really busy around here lately. I look forward to some Saturday morning PBS in my robe, house cleaning, hockey outing with my crew (feels like forever since I've seen friends!), and church with my mom on Sunday. Oh, and kicking back with some good food to watch the Oscars. And hey, I felt so good about it being the weekend this morning, that I thought I might try working out tomorrow. Maybe.

I still have the remnants of a plague that's working it's way around my office. Which brings me to last weekend -- our winter wonderland getaway. I'll post pictures -- but the cottage and the surrounding property we stayed in was absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Picturesque. It was .... perfect.

Except, I was COMICALLY sick. I feel like we could make a movie about the last weekend that stars Chevy Chase. I was constantly attending to my nose, couldn't sleep or taste anything, and looked like a mucus monster (I felt like one, anway). Tim and I would get up and go eat these gourmet breakfasts and dinner in a room the size of your living room -- surrounded by other happy bed-and-breakfast-goers -- and I would have to interrupt everyone's romance on the hour, every hour, with an orchestra coming from my nose.

That wouldn't be so bad if not for the nosebleeds. Yes. I have an affliction shared by nerds and coke addicts where, if it's dry or I have a cold, I get nosebleeds. Picture Tim and I walking dreamily between artsy little shops in downtown Galena.... and me with a Kleenex crammed in my face. Awwwwwesome.

I told Tim that this can't be an annual thing for us -- I got comically sunburnt on our romantic Mexican honeymoon last year. I have to break the tradition of being an achy, whiny mess on our trips together! I want a do-over. On both counts.

Seriously, Tim and I think it would be great if we could round up a few friends and head back to Isla Mujeres for a little spring break -- anyone else in for March 2013? Sun, beaches, cheap flights and plentiful booze... and we could share a vacation rental.

Let's go.

I'm running away

For the weekend, anyway. It's time to get out of dodge and clear my head! I'm headed to St. Louis to get some good quality family time with my mom, sister/brother-in-law, and ADORABLE nephew. It'll be the refresh/recharge that I need after the past few, difficult weeks.

But to do that, I have to confront an irrational fear I have: I hate driving, by myself, and especially for long distances. Actually, I don't even like riding long distances.

I'm really not sure where this fear started, but I think it's getting worse the older I get and the more I avoid it (I'm sure my people notice).

A few years back, I got into two, rear-end accidents (one in 2007, one in 2008) that were my fault. But both happened really quickly -- in the time it takes to look at your radio. Since then, I've slowly started to get leerier about following another car too closely, not using a turn signal, or other cars getting up in my biz. Or really any form of irregular driving sends a shot of nor epinephrine up my spine.

The only way I could see my sister this weekend was driving myself there. I need to do it. I won't die on the road. It'll be fine.

hgfhgfhsghs

Here's to confronting fear head on!!!

Can I tell you a secret?

I would love to turn this blog into an even bigger hobby. I think, if I could decide what my angle was, that it would be really fun and make me happy. I love what I do for a living, but outside of my salaried job, this is sort of my medium. My creative instant gratification.

Some ideas:

1.) Focus the blog around food + life, incorporate photography and kill two hobbies with one stone (maybe this is an overdone concept?)
2). Get some collaborators and talk about food, life, and style in our local area. Have a few voices in the blog and dig into the community and arts 'round here (they do exist -- any takers?)
3). Take away any hobby angle and just leave the focus up to life, but likely only from a later-20s, woman point of view (unless I do a he said/she said concept with another, male collaborator).

Any of these concepts would require a new design and some additional organization (read: NOT so much that it becomes part of the stress).

Which way to turn?

Whatever gets you through the day

I'm all.... in my head lately. Like, living in there. Where I am never just focused on one thing. Working + all in my head. Working out, half-heartedly.... because I'm all in my head. Taking a weekend to bake, bake, bake -- because I can do that and also be in my head. Driving + in my head (I KNOW). Trying to have meaningful conversations with people + in my head.

It's exhausting.

I think my driven, competitive sides might actually kill me here. Don't let my copious amounts of TV watching and resistance into responsibility over dogs or children fool you. I'm always thinking. I approach everything like a project. And lately, I have real projects with work that are taking up space.... thus the living in my head.

Here is a simplified version of what my head looks like lately:

"Wow, work has been challenging and I want to make the most out of this weekend. It has to be the best, most relaxing weekend. I better prioritize what that means ahead of time so I don't waste it. Better include some quality time with the husband so we can stay on a trajectory to have a marriage that is better than everyone else's. Wonder if we can fake quality time while we are also recycling cans. The cans are starting to bother me. They are in the kitchen, basement, and garage and we are being swallowed by cans. But can't stress about that because I need the weekend to clear my head. Reading over coffee in the morning would be great, but I better decide if I should keep reading my entertaining books, or read something that might help me get through my work challenges, or in general, read something that will improve me as a person. You're not supposed to stress about what you read on the weekend over coffee. Oh, that's right. Did I pay the cable bill? I think I did, but I better check. The next time I am online, I will check. Remember the work challenges? Let's get back to those......."

And there goes another hour. Please don't think I'm a crazy person. I'm probably just a normal adult trying to juggle things. I'm really bad at meditation though, if you can't guess.

I think it's time for a cleanse. I need to try to give up some of the things that I stress/obsess over so I can better enjoy everything else.

..... and where to start.