It's still not spring

Almost three months after that last post, and it's still not spring.

Also, it's been three months since I posted? Where did the time go?

Here's what's happened around here, list-style:

1) Celebrated Mardi Gras in St. Louis for the first time in years. Had a blast with my siblings and other STL funtimes friends.

2) Celebrated anniversary No. 2 with Tim, at the same place we went last year. Avoided getting sick beforehand but ate so much delicious, rich food that I thought I'd go into a coma. Took pictures that didn't save on the camera, boo.

3) Busy at work, busy at home. Meetings, meetings, plans, plans, plans. Working out, not working out. Eating crap, feeling guilty and eating better.

4) Joined All Saints, and the choir. Happy to be singing again, love the older ladies in the soprano section :)

5) Celebrated St. Patrick's Day a day early with friends. Breakfast, cards, wandering, bar time, food time, movie time, sleep.

6) Next few weeks will be another whirlwind -- Easter, film festivals with Tim's mom/stepdad in attendance (excited), finally finishing taxes, then a work trip to NYC, then the annual officer ball in Des Moines. That takes us to.... mid-April. Whoa. Must find appropriate attire for both the work trip and officer ball.

7) I finally got an iPhone. That doesn't necessarily deserve its own list number, except that it might mean I post more pictures.

8) Took Polly to the dog park for the first time and watched her in pure, doggy bliss. Only took 30 minutes for her to be cashed out for the rest of the day. A pack of huskies also showed her that there are consequences to knocking little kids down. No consequences to knocking over the communal water bowl, though.

9) Class is going fine, and I'm keeping up with the content. Sorta geeked up about re-learning algebra (it wasn't fun 12 years ago, but I like knowing things now, so that helps keep my head in the game). The professor works hard to keep econ light (funny, even) to make the 3+-hour stretch every week go as quickly as possible.

I can't believe how quickly the weeks are going. In the meantime, I need for the weather to catch up to me. Our backyard is trashed, along with half the screen porch that we love. Wonder if that has anything to do with the 90+ pound puppy terrorizing the house? (Terror until 9 p.m. when she crumples into a squishy, adorable, sleepy puppy pile and I can finally pet her).

Like that.

Anyway, my OCD is on overdrive and I want things back in order, stat.

Easter is upon us, also. I haven't really done the Catholic "Easter thing" in years but was motivated (? if that's the right word?) this year to get back into it. After 10 years on hiatus, I'm  ready for Sundays to be about reflection and family again. No matter what is happening politically in the Catholic church, it honestly doesn't affect me. It's how I grew up, I know where I stand, and it's been nice to have in my life again. Plus, when I do have weekend days where I do nothing and go nowhere, I feel SUPER restless and even a little depressed. Does that happen to anyone else? The level of laziness used to be my favorite thing.

I told Tim he could make me fish on Fridays, and I've gone to mass pretty regularly throughout Lent. I can't explain it, but I really love this time of year in church. It's really reflective, and even somber (I asked Tim to come with me this past weekend, and just ask him what he thought about Palm Sunday mass from the perspective of a Protestant). But then Easter comes and it's like this huge release. The music and liturgy become celebratory and it really ushers in spring for me.

That, and every year I HAVE to watch "The Ten Commandments" with Charlton Heston. And eat Reese's peanut butter cup eggs. Best shape of pb cup, in my opinion.

Cheers!

Pump the brakes, guys

Now that Christmas is over, my blog rolls and Facebook feeds are full of posts pleading for spring to be here.

Whoa.

I know I've said this a lot, and I might be crazy, but I LOVE the seasons. I definitely haven't gotten my fill of winter yet!


For those of you who have forgotten, this summer was hot. Stupid hot. So hot, that we all barely needed to wear coats until the Snowmaggedon hit us before Christmas.

All I can think of was the blast of hot air that greeted me every time I left a car or building, the sweat beads on my forehead and dying/dead yard. So hot, that you actually don't want to be outside.

I'm pretty grateful that snow is hiding my yard right now :) I love sweaters, coats, blankets, something warm and bubbly on the stove...

 (photo credit)

So here it is, friends, a find-your-inner-winter-lover guide. To carry you through at least February.

1. Find one of these, stat.

There is nothing more romantic/winter than a fireplace. The crackling, the ambiance, the couldn't-be-more-cozy. If you can't locate one, make plans with us and we'll show you :)

2. Try a new soup/stew/casserole/bread/cocktail recipe that you would never think of eating or making when it's 80+ degrees out. I made a sweet/spicy chili this weekend (um, not a part of our pre-cleanse) with jalepeno-cheddar corn bread and it was like a hug. I'm trying to locate a good, classic recipe for hot toddies and some cozy appetizers for a gathering this weekend** and couldn't be more stoked. I'm actually excited that temps are going to drop again.

3. Get away. And I don't mean to Cancun. For our second anniversary, Tim and I just caved and decided to spend a weekend here again. Forget finding a new bathing suit and beach cover-up, I'm on the hunt for a new ROBE. BAM. 

4. I'm no health nut, but I totally understand the whole seasonal-depression-lacking-sun nutrients thing you get in the winter. For me, this is a great time to get started at the gym again. I've realized over time that this tendency isn't attached to any real New Year's resolution (I suck at goals), but things are just slightly less busy/noisy right now, and the extra energy and endorphins I get from working out keep the seasonal slump at bay. Right now, my gym routine isn't intense -- at least 3-4 days a week, treadmill/elliptical and squats/lunges/crunches, and I hope to increase it in the next few weeks (and potentially switch gyms) to incorporate group fitness classes again (I actually miss spinning classes.)

5. This doesn't appeal to everyone (if you are low-key when it comes to clothes), but dress the part. Get a new cozy sweater (yup, this happened, only in black, and I'd really love a new one of these). 

That's all. If you have other winter survival (read: thrival, yes, I made up that word) tips (any good reads to recommend? Feeling crafty?), post a comment and share them with me. And for heaven's sake -- I've heard predictions that this summer will be at least as hot and dry as the last one, so don't wish away our natural cooling off period! I'm not ready to face the tan tines, cellulite-bearing, and mess of a yard.

***This weekend, Tim and I are getting the chance to see the final edit of  The Formula, a movie project he's been working on with some other really rad people. We're planning to host the writer/directors and executive producer at our house for a little sneak peak and celebration. Unfortunately, we are going to miss the premiere at The Englert on Sat. Jan. 19, but that doesn't mean you have to! Represent for us: Reserve your tickets now. The event is free!

Did I mention that supporting local, independent movie projects was a key winter thrival tip? Because it is.

It's time

It's time to take the Christmas tree down, and it's a sad day.

The holidays are nearly over, soon I'll be back to the grind of life, and it will be another year before we get the opportunity to gather our favorite people together for endless parties and days off together.

It's hard. As you can clearly see, our tree is ready to rejoin the earth, first in the corner of the yard, then when we burn it at Easter for the second annual "Mas Fuego" gathering (more on that later).

As a neat freak, I'm really bothered by all the needles in my house right now, but cleaning this time means putting an end to the holiday cheer and hunkering down for the rest of winter.

See the cheer?

But, it's time. A new year is upon us, and we are actually still firming our plans to ring it in. In the meantime, here's what's on my mind as I plan to welcome 2013:

What are we doing tonight? Also, we totally forgot that we have this little cutie to take care of tonight:

Since the holidays are over, I need to decide what Tim and I should do for our anniversary/something-to-celebrate-after-Christmas plans and make a reservation (this is the place I have my eye on :) I knooooowwww....)

After a year and a few months in our house, we finally blew a fuse or two and now the kitchen light and outlets near the TV don't work. TV AND KITCHEN ARE MY FAVORITES -- must fix soon.

Like a true glutton, I feel like crap after days of all-I-can-eat-and-drink-and-no-gym. Bought a book about cleansing and am planning a juice cleanse soon. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll have lots to say about the experience :) As you know, Tim and I really love extreme diet and exercise plans this time of year that we forget within a month or two.

Last, but not least, I head back to work Wednesday and am spending some time today combing through emails and trying to remember what exactly I was working on before break. My first day back at work is going to be the mental equivalent of a juice cleanse. Awwweeeesome.

That's enough for now. I hope you all had wonderful holidays, and are planning to celebrate the end of 2012 tonight. Cheers!

Make the rough places plain

Next week is the last full week before I'm off work for Christmas. I remember this time last year, I was busy trying to force the holiday season upon myself, and while there has been a degree of that this year (did you know 104.5 only has 4-5 songs holiday they play on repeat?) I've mostly been too wrapped up in other things to even notice much.

The house is decorated and gorgeous. My mom (who is way cooler than Pinterest) showed me how to make a real wreath and garland from leftover tree boughs.
My animals gave me new  Jingle Pals, a new Christmas book, and a new ornament of a dog to mark our year.
I've watched a few holiday movies, done some shopping.
I saw "Meet Me in St. Louis" at the local theater.
There is no snow and barely any reason to wear a coat.
Oh, and I'm overwhelmed with keeping all our plans and family time straight. (That's a given).

My real problem is trying to force the holiday on myself. I try desperately to make new traditions and feel the way I felt growing up. I try to control things. You know the weird thing? I re-read my blog post from last year, where I whined about how things aren't the same. And then looking back, I've realized that every holiday season has been great in its own way, in ways that I couldn't predict. It just happened, no matter how worked up I was.

I'm already forming New Year's resolutions in my head related to this. I want to try in the coming year to let go, just a bit. I'm expending a lot of energy trying to get my way -- over the weather, over my work, over our plans, what I think I need to do about my appearance/health and definitely getting my way with the cleanliness of the house (who can't physically sit down when they get home until the dishes are out of the sink, counters wiped down, dining table is clean, dog toys are in the basket and stuff is off the tables by the couch??!!!). It's just bananas.

Other things I want in the next year:

I really need to lock in and get some pictures on this blog. I'm such a visual person and I live my life with images of areas and things that comfort me -- a sunny corner of the kitchen, my elephant-shaped humidifier by the bed (UN ELEPHANTE = what he is called), Tim's piles of change and books everywhere... I want to document those here.

Now that I'm on my way with grad school, I have to dig in to another interest area I  miss -- singing. I've almost choked up about a million times this holiday season thinking about what I used to  do this time of year. Caroling, concerts, yearly performances of Handel's "Messiah" -- the holiday season was a peak time and I miss it. I think some of my control issues stem from the fact that I'm not quite living dynamically enough. Not enough balance. Gets better every year, but this is a huge piece.

Enough pouring my heart out. It's holiday baking time this weekend! I am armed (heh heh) and ready with a ton of butter and mallow fluff. Also, Polly went under the knife today! Tim brought her upstairs this morning so I could say good-bye/good luck and my heart almost melted. Getting spayed is SO ROUTINE but I just love our little Costco-sized puppy, even if she makes me crazy.

Happy Holidays!

Reaction

When life hits me hard.... I obsess about things that really don't matter.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wonder what the Pilgrims did when they were having stress at their jobs (jobs like...blacksmith... butter... churner? I don't know) and drama with their families.

Oh wait, they were so busy staying alive that they probably didn't have the chance to think about their expectations at work or the quality of their family relationships. Riiiiggghhhttt. So, apparently I'm stressed because life has been TOO bountiful. I think there's something to that.

Too bad I don't have a shelter to build or food to scavenge for. The jalapeno chips in my drawer are within arm's reach. Because I'm stressed and all my basic needs are met, I have been instead obsessing about finding the perfect new pair of boots, perfect Christmas gifts for everyone, perfect dessert recipes for Thanksgiving, perfect level of cleanliness in the house..... stuff that really..... doesn't......  matter. I feel out of control in some areas of my life, so I exert UBER control over meaningless things.

So, in light of that, I'm really excited to hide in my kitchen this weekend and bake. I might even need to make a trip to the kitchen store to buy things I've never owned -- like a pastry/piping bag and mini-bundt pans. #morethingsthatdon'tmatter

Last weekend, when I could hardly stand to be around the thoughts in my head, Tim and I went to Half Price Books and I sat on the floor in the cookbook aisle to be with my friends, namely Nigella Lawson. I picked up "How to be a Domestic Goddess" and started flipping through the pages, only stopping once to move my pile out of the way of an old man who was standing wayyyy too close to me while he waited for his wife to find her book. The title of the book was ironic on purpose. The way Nigella writes, the point is NOT to be a domestic goddess (which is good, because I don't need one more thing to stress about) but rather, creating an experience and creating comfort with the food you make, and the way you make it.

When I'm really struggling with the big questions of my life, my mental happy place is in pages like those. It just paints this picture in my mind of tradition, warmth, love, satisfaction..... things that when I'm stressed, I feel like I'm REALLY lacking. Nigella Lawson won't solve my problems, but she can take the edge off for me when I'm waiting to make my next move. The way she approaches cooking and entertaining is a good reminder for me when I'm approaching my problems -- handle them with realism, some practical indulgence (oh yes, Nigella makes that statement possible) and a lot of humor.

I tend to forget that.

Anyway, that's all I've got. The holidays are upon us, I've got dessert recipes to bury myself in, and does anyone know where I can buy a can of chestnuts? Seriously. Canned chestnuts. I need them to enjoy chocolate the way Nigella does.

Anyone?

Oh, Polly

It's really something else to be relied on, to care for a living thing.

Until we got Polly, I don't think Tim and I knew what that was like. If we didn't care for plants and they died, it was sad but we really didn't care. Frank needs weekly food/water/litter fill-ups but mainly just does his own thing. Between Tim and I, we care for each other and rely on each other in an emotional way, but Tim doesn't really need me to make dinner in order to survive. (Right, Tim? :)

Polly is teaching us things.

To start, she needs us. She needs us to let her out, to walk her, feed her, and to give her water. When we are late with any of those basic needs, she lets us know -- sweet, sad eyes, accidents, insane hyperactivity (last night, I found out Polly was NOT turning into devil-dog, she was just really, really hungry).

Polly graduates from puppy class next week. I'm not sure I really realized this until this week's class, but I really care about her development, also. I want her to be the good, loyal, sweet dog that I know she can be. When she's not, I question her AND I question my own ability as a puppy owner.

Allow me to paint a picture for you.

Before puppy class, I left Polly on her lead outside because she was flipping out. Every time I got near her to pet her or let her off, she would start jumping and barking and scratching me. I was seriously wondering if this was it, if getting a puppy was a huge mistake. By the time Tim got home, she was still freaking out and he took her to her crate for a time-out and calm down (sanctioned by our puppy trainer, no judgement if you have a dog and have crate trained, haha).

We let her out, fed her, and voila, she was calmed down. She was just hungry.

We got in the car and went to PetSmart for class, and she sat with her front paws on my lap in the back seat the whole time, and just melted my heart. I was so happy that it seemed like she needed me and she was learning that I was one of her caretakers. The scratching wasn't personal.

Then, when we got to the store, flip the switch. Polly was pulling at the leash, jumping around, could hardly wait to get inside. During class, she was obstinate, jumping on everyone and everything and the whole time all I could think was "PEOPLE ARE JUDGING US! SHE'S GOT COOKIE IN HER CHIN FUR, SHE NEEDS A BATH, AND SHE'S FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING WE'VE TAUGHT HER. SHE'LL BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST."

At the very height of the night, we were in the back by the grooming products, trying to practice "stay" and "recall" and Polly took a giant dump. Oh my goodness, we were so embarrassed. I felt bad, Polly was trying to go outside. But Tim and I were tense. He was trying to find a clerk to help with the mess and I was just aware of the poo on the floor and trying to get him to use the grooming station's help, before we BOTH realized that there was a self-cleanup station nearby.

Mess cleaned, and the trainer came over to observe Polly's skills. More jumping, some listening. It was not her best performance.

And that's when I realized, Polly relies on us, and we care very much about raising her up to be a good, healthy dog. She needs us to feed her, yes, but she needs us to show her consistency and patience, too.

I asked Tim on the way home if this is going to be a "Marley and Me" type of story. But it's not time to think about how the story will end. (And Tim told me that Polly is nowhere near as naughty as Marley. The trainer might not see it, but I agree :)

I've got thoughts

I've been reflecting a lot on where we were this time last year. Anyone else do that? Is that another sign of adulthood?

This time last year, we were moving out of our apartment and into my mom's house to hang out until we moved into our house. It was a big transition, and a really exciting time for us. I can't believe that soon, it'll be a year that we have lived in our home. Time is just passing so quickly, and we are so blessed to be homeowners and steadily employed.

I think it's really important for me to remind myself of that as often as I can. We don't talk about it like this, but it's become the American way to complain about what we don't have and what we expect others to do for us (or not do for us). On a political level, at work, in our personal relationships. We are hyper-focused on what we feel like we are owed. (Bee tee dubs, I'm not a Republican, even though you might think I was by the mail we've been getting lately). 

I can get stuck in this trap too -- one bad week at work and I'm spending a lot of energy wishing I was a lottery-winner and could do what I wanted with my time. I could buy this new thing or that. And the whole time, I'm just missing the bigger picture. 

Tim and I can provide for ourselves. We have what we need (and then some). We have dreams for what we want to do with our time and talent, and you know what? It will take TIME, sacrifice and hard work to get there. It won't happen overnight and no elected official or boss will make it easier/harder to get there, if it's what we really want with our future. (Sometimes, I think when we are complaining, it's about something that we aren't really committed to changing ourselves.)

For those of you NOT living in Iowa, we are getting slammed right now. Robo-calls, mailers, commercials -- campaign coverage is taking over my morning NPR programming. Most days, I hesitate to bring these thoughts to a group of people. We live in a divided society, and we can't talk about our (true) values and the political landscape easily. We are quick to complain and judge.

But, in this height of a campaign season, I've got something to say.

We give our elected officials, namely, our president, too much credit.

After all, they are merely a reflection of us, right? I'd like to think of our senators, representatives, governors and presidents as just a more concentrated version of us. (Because they are). If we are unhappy with the partisan, fear-mongering, complaint-driven nature of our political dialogue, we need to start by reflecting on the conversations we're  having at the kitchen counter at night. Who are we blaming today for the things we aren't getting?

The brilliant thing about studying marketing is that, you start to realize how much a movement can capture a person's worst. The biggest human emotions to market to are fear, greed, exclusivity, and vanity. Political campaigns and politicians are great marketers. They understand what emotions are likely to motivate us, the American public, and they sell to them. And we eat it right up.

So, back to my original point. Each election is our opportunity to change the dialogue. In between elections, we have the choice of consuming what's being sold, or not. If we are unhappy with the state of affairs, we can change it. 

If we are unhappy with the lot of personalities up on the election block, it's because we spent so much time complaining and shifting blame that we missed the bigger picture.

Change the conversation.