It's time

It's time to take the Christmas tree down, and it's a sad day.

The holidays are nearly over, soon I'll be back to the grind of life, and it will be another year before we get the opportunity to gather our favorite people together for endless parties and days off together.

It's hard. As you can clearly see, our tree is ready to rejoin the earth, first in the corner of the yard, then when we burn it at Easter for the second annual "Mas Fuego" gathering (more on that later).

As a neat freak, I'm really bothered by all the needles in my house right now, but cleaning this time means putting an end to the holiday cheer and hunkering down for the rest of winter.

See the cheer?

But, it's time. A new year is upon us, and we are actually still firming our plans to ring it in. In the meantime, here's what's on my mind as I plan to welcome 2013:

What are we doing tonight? Also, we totally forgot that we have this little cutie to take care of tonight:

Since the holidays are over, I need to decide what Tim and I should do for our anniversary/something-to-celebrate-after-Christmas plans and make a reservation (this is the place I have my eye on :) I knooooowwww....)

After a year and a few months in our house, we finally blew a fuse or two and now the kitchen light and outlets near the TV don't work. TV AND KITCHEN ARE MY FAVORITES -- must fix soon.

Like a true glutton, I feel like crap after days of all-I-can-eat-and-drink-and-no-gym. Bought a book about cleansing and am planning a juice cleanse soon. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll have lots to say about the experience :) As you know, Tim and I really love extreme diet and exercise plans this time of year that we forget within a month or two.

Last, but not least, I head back to work Wednesday and am spending some time today combing through emails and trying to remember what exactly I was working on before break. My first day back at work is going to be the mental equivalent of a juice cleanse. Awwweeeesome.

That's enough for now. I hope you all had wonderful holidays, and are planning to celebrate the end of 2012 tonight. Cheers!

Make the rough places plain

Next week is the last full week before I'm off work for Christmas. I remember this time last year, I was busy trying to force the holiday season upon myself, and while there has been a degree of that this year (did you know 104.5 only has 4-5 songs holiday they play on repeat?) I've mostly been too wrapped up in other things to even notice much.

The house is decorated and gorgeous. My mom (who is way cooler than Pinterest) showed me how to make a real wreath and garland from leftover tree boughs.
My animals gave me new  Jingle Pals, a new Christmas book, and a new ornament of a dog to mark our year.
I've watched a few holiday movies, done some shopping.
I saw "Meet Me in St. Louis" at the local theater.
There is no snow and barely any reason to wear a coat.
Oh, and I'm overwhelmed with keeping all our plans and family time straight. (That's a given).

My real problem is trying to force the holiday on myself. I try desperately to make new traditions and feel the way I felt growing up. I try to control things. You know the weird thing? I re-read my blog post from last year, where I whined about how things aren't the same. And then looking back, I've realized that every holiday season has been great in its own way, in ways that I couldn't predict. It just happened, no matter how worked up I was.

I'm already forming New Year's resolutions in my head related to this. I want to try in the coming year to let go, just a bit. I'm expending a lot of energy trying to get my way -- over the weather, over my work, over our plans, what I think I need to do about my appearance/health and definitely getting my way with the cleanliness of the house (who can't physically sit down when they get home until the dishes are out of the sink, counters wiped down, dining table is clean, dog toys are in the basket and stuff is off the tables by the couch??!!!). It's just bananas.

Other things I want in the next year:

I really need to lock in and get some pictures on this blog. I'm such a visual person and I live my life with images of areas and things that comfort me -- a sunny corner of the kitchen, my elephant-shaped humidifier by the bed (UN ELEPHANTE = what he is called), Tim's piles of change and books everywhere... I want to document those here.

Now that I'm on my way with grad school, I have to dig in to another interest area I  miss -- singing. I've almost choked up about a million times this holiday season thinking about what I used to  do this time of year. Caroling, concerts, yearly performances of Handel's "Messiah" -- the holiday season was a peak time and I miss it. I think some of my control issues stem from the fact that I'm not quite living dynamically enough. Not enough balance. Gets better every year, but this is a huge piece.

Enough pouring my heart out. It's holiday baking time this weekend! I am armed (heh heh) and ready with a ton of butter and mallow fluff. Also, Polly went under the knife today! Tim brought her upstairs this morning so I could say good-bye/good luck and my heart almost melted. Getting spayed is SO ROUTINE but I just love our little Costco-sized puppy, even if she makes me crazy.

Happy Holidays!

Reaction

When life hits me hard.... I obsess about things that really don't matter.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wonder what the Pilgrims did when they were having stress at their jobs (jobs like...blacksmith... butter... churner? I don't know) and drama with their families.

Oh wait, they were so busy staying alive that they probably didn't have the chance to think about their expectations at work or the quality of their family relationships. Riiiiggghhhttt. So, apparently I'm stressed because life has been TOO bountiful. I think there's something to that.

Too bad I don't have a shelter to build or food to scavenge for. The jalapeno chips in my drawer are within arm's reach. Because I'm stressed and all my basic needs are met, I have been instead obsessing about finding the perfect new pair of boots, perfect Christmas gifts for everyone, perfect dessert recipes for Thanksgiving, perfect level of cleanliness in the house..... stuff that really..... doesn't......  matter. I feel out of control in some areas of my life, so I exert UBER control over meaningless things.

So, in light of that, I'm really excited to hide in my kitchen this weekend and bake. I might even need to make a trip to the kitchen store to buy things I've never owned -- like a pastry/piping bag and mini-bundt pans. #morethingsthatdon'tmatter

Last weekend, when I could hardly stand to be around the thoughts in my head, Tim and I went to Half Price Books and I sat on the floor in the cookbook aisle to be with my friends, namely Nigella Lawson. I picked up "How to be a Domestic Goddess" and started flipping through the pages, only stopping once to move my pile out of the way of an old man who was standing wayyyy too close to me while he waited for his wife to find her book. The title of the book was ironic on purpose. The way Nigella writes, the point is NOT to be a domestic goddess (which is good, because I don't need one more thing to stress about) but rather, creating an experience and creating comfort with the food you make, and the way you make it.

When I'm really struggling with the big questions of my life, my mental happy place is in pages like those. It just paints this picture in my mind of tradition, warmth, love, satisfaction..... things that when I'm stressed, I feel like I'm REALLY lacking. Nigella Lawson won't solve my problems, but she can take the edge off for me when I'm waiting to make my next move. The way she approaches cooking and entertaining is a good reminder for me when I'm approaching my problems -- handle them with realism, some practical indulgence (oh yes, Nigella makes that statement possible) and a lot of humor.

I tend to forget that.

Anyway, that's all I've got. The holidays are upon us, I've got dessert recipes to bury myself in, and does anyone know where I can buy a can of chestnuts? Seriously. Canned chestnuts. I need them to enjoy chocolate the way Nigella does.

Anyone?

Oh, Polly

It's really something else to be relied on, to care for a living thing.

Until we got Polly, I don't think Tim and I knew what that was like. If we didn't care for plants and they died, it was sad but we really didn't care. Frank needs weekly food/water/litter fill-ups but mainly just does his own thing. Between Tim and I, we care for each other and rely on each other in an emotional way, but Tim doesn't really need me to make dinner in order to survive. (Right, Tim? :)

Polly is teaching us things.

To start, she needs us. She needs us to let her out, to walk her, feed her, and to give her water. When we are late with any of those basic needs, she lets us know -- sweet, sad eyes, accidents, insane hyperactivity (last night, I found out Polly was NOT turning into devil-dog, she was just really, really hungry).

Polly graduates from puppy class next week. I'm not sure I really realized this until this week's class, but I really care about her development, also. I want her to be the good, loyal, sweet dog that I know she can be. When she's not, I question her AND I question my own ability as a puppy owner.

Allow me to paint a picture for you.

Before puppy class, I left Polly on her lead outside because she was flipping out. Every time I got near her to pet her or let her off, she would start jumping and barking and scratching me. I was seriously wondering if this was it, if getting a puppy was a huge mistake. By the time Tim got home, she was still freaking out and he took her to her crate for a time-out and calm down (sanctioned by our puppy trainer, no judgement if you have a dog and have crate trained, haha).

We let her out, fed her, and voila, she was calmed down. She was just hungry.

We got in the car and went to PetSmart for class, and she sat with her front paws on my lap in the back seat the whole time, and just melted my heart. I was so happy that it seemed like she needed me and she was learning that I was one of her caretakers. The scratching wasn't personal.

Then, when we got to the store, flip the switch. Polly was pulling at the leash, jumping around, could hardly wait to get inside. During class, she was obstinate, jumping on everyone and everything and the whole time all I could think was "PEOPLE ARE JUDGING US! SHE'S GOT COOKIE IN HER CHIN FUR, SHE NEEDS A BATH, AND SHE'S FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING WE'VE TAUGHT HER. SHE'LL BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST."

At the very height of the night, we were in the back by the grooming products, trying to practice "stay" and "recall" and Polly took a giant dump. Oh my goodness, we were so embarrassed. I felt bad, Polly was trying to go outside. But Tim and I were tense. He was trying to find a clerk to help with the mess and I was just aware of the poo on the floor and trying to get him to use the grooming station's help, before we BOTH realized that there was a self-cleanup station nearby.

Mess cleaned, and the trainer came over to observe Polly's skills. More jumping, some listening. It was not her best performance.

And that's when I realized, Polly relies on us, and we care very much about raising her up to be a good, healthy dog. She needs us to feed her, yes, but she needs us to show her consistency and patience, too.

I asked Tim on the way home if this is going to be a "Marley and Me" type of story. But it's not time to think about how the story will end. (And Tim told me that Polly is nowhere near as naughty as Marley. The trainer might not see it, but I agree :)

I've got thoughts

I've been reflecting a lot on where we were this time last year. Anyone else do that? Is that another sign of adulthood?

This time last year, we were moving out of our apartment and into my mom's house to hang out until we moved into our house. It was a big transition, and a really exciting time for us. I can't believe that soon, it'll be a year that we have lived in our home. Time is just passing so quickly, and we are so blessed to be homeowners and steadily employed.

I think it's really important for me to remind myself of that as often as I can. We don't talk about it like this, but it's become the American way to complain about what we don't have and what we expect others to do for us (or not do for us). On a political level, at work, in our personal relationships. We are hyper-focused on what we feel like we are owed. (Bee tee dubs, I'm not a Republican, even though you might think I was by the mail we've been getting lately). 

I can get stuck in this trap too -- one bad week at work and I'm spending a lot of energy wishing I was a lottery-winner and could do what I wanted with my time. I could buy this new thing or that. And the whole time, I'm just missing the bigger picture. 

Tim and I can provide for ourselves. We have what we need (and then some). We have dreams for what we want to do with our time and talent, and you know what? It will take TIME, sacrifice and hard work to get there. It won't happen overnight and no elected official or boss will make it easier/harder to get there, if it's what we really want with our future. (Sometimes, I think when we are complaining, it's about something that we aren't really committed to changing ourselves.)

For those of you NOT living in Iowa, we are getting slammed right now. Robo-calls, mailers, commercials -- campaign coverage is taking over my morning NPR programming. Most days, I hesitate to bring these thoughts to a group of people. We live in a divided society, and we can't talk about our (true) values and the political landscape easily. We are quick to complain and judge.

But, in this height of a campaign season, I've got something to say.

We give our elected officials, namely, our president, too much credit.

After all, they are merely a reflection of us, right? I'd like to think of our senators, representatives, governors and presidents as just a more concentrated version of us. (Because they are). If we are unhappy with the partisan, fear-mongering, complaint-driven nature of our political dialogue, we need to start by reflecting on the conversations we're  having at the kitchen counter at night. Who are we blaming today for the things we aren't getting?

The brilliant thing about studying marketing is that, you start to realize how much a movement can capture a person's worst. The biggest human emotions to market to are fear, greed, exclusivity, and vanity. Political campaigns and politicians are great marketers. They understand what emotions are likely to motivate us, the American public, and they sell to them. And we eat it right up.

So, back to my original point. Each election is our opportunity to change the dialogue. In between elections, we have the choice of consuming what's being sold, or not. If we are unhappy with the state of affairs, we can change it. 

If we are unhappy with the lot of personalities up on the election block, it's because we spent so much time complaining and shifting blame that we missed the bigger picture.

Change the conversation.

Just keeping things interesting

Hey there. Just when you thought your morning/afternoon/evening blogrolls were finished, I pop in with an unexpected post. You're welcome :)

MORE than a month has passed since my last post (wow, that almost sounds like how you start confession with your priest). Life is just moving along here.

We've already done a lot of what was in my last post -- we've watched football, I made spicy/warm things, we've spent good times with our family and friends, and I turn the air conditioning off -- and theeennn turned the heat on this  past weekend when the nighttime temps got into the 20s and 30s. I lit our first fire in the fireplace this weekend and napped nearby. These are the simple pleasures, folks.

School is good. It's mostly what I would have thought it to be. Quirky professor, lots of class discussion, readings to finish during the week and yes -- Wednesday is a really long day. I feel like I'm learning things that are foundational to my job and I love it. (I like feeling like I know things). I'm already term-dropping in my visits with clients ("Ah, no we don't use psychographics the way you mean,  but THIS is similar" and then a flip my hair and smile. Just kidding, but not far off).

I am still really, really nervous about my quantitative courses -- statistics, finance, accounting, etc. For one, 3+ hours of that subject in one night is enough to make me doze off right here. And second, these are always my weakest spots. Hopefully I can fly under the radar and pass without anyone wondering how I managed to get admission to the program. (Seriously, I got through the GMAT with a quant score that represents a wing and a prayer).

Work  is also keeping both Tim and I busy. Between that and chasing around a huge, energetic puppy, we are in full swing, and that is part of the reason that a whole month goes by before I even realize it. And it'll happen again. We have so many things to look forward to in the coming weeks: more plans with friends (including getting to meet a new baby!) trips to see family, a work/fun trip to NOLA, Halloween and Thanksgiving in there somewhere, and before you know it, I'll be writing my annual posts about how stressful the holidays are :)

Because they are.

But I look forward to them EVERY YEAR.

Also, this just in: the new season of "Grey's Anatomy" starts this week and I can't remember the last time I was this excited about a week night. Seriously, it's the simple things, yo. I'm even trying to figure out what special dinner I can make for the night to celebrate. Well, anymore, whenever we actually make dinner, it's special. So, tater tot casserole will be special, right?

So many things

I am really bad at keeping goals, y'all.

Did I post twice as much in July? No. Have Tim and I successfully started making solid financial changes? Not really (but not a total "no" in that category -- so, weeee!)

Here's a recap of what's been going on around here since/during my last posts (this blog is starting to sound more like a family newsletter sometimes):

1. July happened. I had a birthday, Tim had a birthday, we took our annual float trip, got a puppy, the puppy DOUBLED in size, I went to Boston for work, Tim made a movie, my friend got married, my nephew turned ONE, my car's power steering went out, I found out I got admitted to UI's MBA-PM program, and it never rained.

2. August started/is almost over. Work got busier, Polly went to her first farmer's market, we took a family vacation to Lake of the Ozarks, celebrated another friend's wedding, Tim had guard duty (all the time), I didn't work out or care what I ate (I ate everything so far this month, bet you didn't know that.)

So, this is a banner week at the Nash house.

Polly started puppy school last night (how can I be SO frustrated with her and so proud/in love with her in the same day? When did we officially welcome a full-on fur child into our house?)

I start school tomorrow. You guys, I am SO nervous. I have no idea what to expect! I know I'll get a lot out of my first course (marketing management), but don't know how I'll do or what it will be like to be gone out of the house  from 7:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. every Wednesday until mid-November. (Then copy/stamp and repeat for the next 4 years, only maybe on a different day of the week. I just need to tell myself -- it's ONE day a week. Don't be a sally.)

On top of things, I waited in true Kate fashion to get my books until Sunday, and they are sold out of the books I need. (Whaaaaa). I need to have a chapter read in 24 hours, so here's hoping I miraculously get them and read the chapter in time! Not the best start to my grad school career.

I'm sad that summer is coming to an end, but I really shouldn't be. We were really busy, and we did a lot. I really love fall, and the autumn-spiced foods and candles are calling my name. (I'm certain it's going to be 80 degrees until November, though. But hey! With the drought we've had, it can look like fall from now until things just fully die. Always an upside, kiddos.)

Things I'm looking forward to:

1. Apple-picking at Wilson's orchard. Then making buttery apple crisp. Then eating the whole pan, one trip to the kitchen at a time.
2. Permanently turning the air conditioning off.
3. Layers of clothing
4. Leaves changing
5. Nights eating soup and watching scary movies (which you can do all year, I get it, but I like living seasonally)
6. Bonfires in the backyard
7. Good times with good people
8. Being just busy enough that I have to work out in the morning and plan meals
9. Tailgating.... wherever there's a tail or perfectly adequate driveway/yard
10. Spending consecutive weekends with my husband and friends (we've all been so busy!)

OK, that's it. Who's with me??