This just in

I will never be a hobby-est.

I had the realization a bit ago when I was cleaning out the apartment and found a sadly stalled hobby project. (As little kids, my sisters and I got awesome dollhouses from our grandpa that we proceeded to destroy. Almost 2 years ago, ahem, I decided I would fix them. I ordered new parts and tore out the broken ones, and left them like that in our spare bedroom for the next 2 years).

Now, I'm a pretty motivated person. I like feeling accomplished and getting things done. I'm deadline-driven.

And THAT'S why I can't have hobbies.

Unless someone puts a gun to my head or tells me my liberty/happiness/relationships/paycheck are on the line, I won't knit that scarf, fix those dollhouses, play with watercolor paints, take pictures, or grow something from the dirt. Also, I consider health a hobby (more or less). The best I can do regularly is make different food choices, because eating is a survival instinct. I HAVE to do it. (So, my kitchen expiraments don't qualify as a hobby.)

I know you can "set deadlines for yourself" and "meet them" but I just "can't seem to do that."
We'll see if age improves that.... and I have a sneaking suspicion that owning a house almost qualifies as a hobby, at least in the short term. I have to stop trolling the Pottery Barn website for things that fit into my budget.....

Pop music is eating my brain

Wins all around last week, except for the orchard. But I got to the gym once, made crazy headway on the apartment, and the canoe trip Sunday was pretty fun. And also a marriage test.....

Tim was in the back of the canoe, and I was in the front. The person in the back has to make decisions: do we go to the  left or right of that rock? Do we slow down or speed up?

Right away, we came up to a huge tree downed in the middle of the river. I used my outside voice to ask Tim which way we were going and he decided, too late, that we would go left. I felt like the captain of the titanic watching us slowly NOT clear the tree. Actually, I tried to use my foot to steady us so we wouldn't flip (which luckily, we didn't, we just sailed backwards for awhile until we could communicate with each other enough to turn around). Through the rest of the trip, if I saw a curve/rock/tree/another canoe, I asked Tim what the plan was a few hundred feet in advance.

He..... didn't love that.... but otherwise wanted to make sure that I wasn't so anxious that I couldn't enjoy myself. I did anyway. (Tim, if you're reading this, #iloveyouallthetime). Protip: canoeing goes faster without food or booze.

In other news, I still have crap music in my head on repeat. Commence brain cleansing process:

1. Break out old Mac laptop or Pandora for chores around the house
2. Continue with NPR on morning commute
3. Old CDs OR classical music when commuting other times
4. New playlists for the gym (whenever I get there again)

I think that will cure me.

Last week's plan worked so well, that it helped me get through a minor setback with moving. Due to a paperwork mistake, our house closing was pushed back 9 days to Nov. 10. We re-scheduled everything we could, but will now have slightly less time to do some settling in stuff. No big deal, we'll just be living with my mom longer!

Over and out.

Whir

I feel like I am missing fall.

It's my favorite season, and the leaves here are so pretty right now. I've done a few fall cooking things, but that might be it.

It's been an Indian summer here lately (80-degree weather and sunny) and I'm sort of frustrated about it. ORR I'm frustrated about work, moving, money, and lack of vacation time, and lack of time in general.... and I'm just taking it out on fall. That might be it.

Tim and I had a great weekend visiting sister/brother-in-law/nephew, and I felt honest-to-goodness homesick when we left. I wasn't sure if it was a good time for a trip, with moving and everything, but ended up not wanting to leave.

Once again, I have mostly exciting things happening, but for whatever reason, I can't be excited about them? And then when the exciting things are over, I miss them.

I think it's just because my mind feels like it's being pulled in every direction. I fall asleep wishing things were.... different? Then, lately, I've been waking up thinking about work AND in between those thoughts, I've had some lame pop song stuck in my head on repeat. Then, during the day, I rocket around between being mildly depressed, tired, happy, excited, and on auto-pilot. Every, single, day.

And through all that, my favorite season is passing me by.

I think there is just too much going on right now, and I'm struggling a little bit with life balance between work, love, friends, plans, health, and rest.

So, here's the plan. Since there is no way I can just hit the reset button (vacation, time away), here are the things I'm going to try this week to help me get over the hump:

1. Working Out: I need the endorphins. Oh, and I started a new gym membership and if anything, I want to go just to NOT be wasteful.
2. Apple Orchard: Thursday after work. I think by now the season for apples is almost over, but I'll take the experience, even if we don't walk away with much.
3. Clean House: I haven't cleaned anything since we started packing, but I think MORE packing and cleaning will help me feel accomplished and like part of my life is in order.
4. Meditative Thoughts: This is going to sound kyptic, but I just need to remember the areas of my life that define who I am, and forget the ones that frankly, do not.
5. Outside Time: We got invited on a canoe trip this weekend and even though (again) it might be a bad time to go, I think the outside time with good friends doing something OTHER than restauranting will be really nice. I'll just make a lot of progress on No. 3 to feel better about it.

Here's to fall and getting over the hump!